Carlisle goes CRAZY and other crazy Cullens
by tabooo22
Summary: all rights to Stephenie Meyer    this is a bunch of small stories about the Cullen's and the wolf pack going crazy
1. Chapter 1

It had been a long day at the hospital and I was worn out. I sat down in the arm chair and turned on the TV. nothing good on. Just then my son Emmett came down stairs.

"Hi Emmett."

"Hi Carlisle. Long day?"

"Yeah. How was yours"

"Boring. At least I'm home now. I have to do something very important I need to do." He seemed very serious which was surprising.

"What do need to do Emmett?"

"I need to go flirt with an evergreen." Again he was completely serious. "Shhhhhhhh. Don't tell Rosalie." Then he walked out the door. That was strange even for Emmett. Next Jasper came in.

"Hi Carlisle. sorry I can't talk right now. I need to go outside and race ferrets with Emmett."

"Emmett said he had to go flirt with an evergreen."

"Jasper gasped appalled. "HE"S BLOWING ME OFF AGAIN!" he yelled and then ran out the door. Five minutes later my wife Esme came in to the room.

"Oh Esme, I'm having the strangest day."

"Really? I'd love to hear about it darling but I need to go plant my new shoes in the garden." And then she skipped out the door. What the heck was going on? My daughter Alice came into the room next.

"Hi Carlisle. I'm off on a shopping spree." Finally something normal. Alice was always shopping. "I need to go buy the Brooklyn Bridge." Okay Alice only ever shopped for things like close and cars and diamonds. She would never buy something like a bridge. My day was back to being weird. Alice left me then skipping out the door. Then my other daughter Rosalie came in.

"Carlisle have you seen Bella? I forgot to tell her how pretty she looks today." I now couldn't believe my ears. I love Rosalie but she almost never gave a complement. Bella was defiantly not her favorite person (or if you want to be correct vampire.) She wouldn't complement Bella in a million years, let alone tell her she was pretty. What was wrong with the world (besides the fact that there were vampires, werewolves, and other creatures in it?)

"Rosalie did you just say you needed to tell Bella she was pretty?"

"Yeah. She looks prettier than me."

"Sorry I haven't seen her." She shrugged and then walked outside. Then I heard a loud yell from Rosalie. "EMMETT MCCARTY CULLEN YOU STOP FLIRTING WITH THAT EVERGREEN RIGHT NOW!" Yeesh.

After that Bella and my last son Edward came in. Was the whole family here today? "Yes." Edward said answering my mental question.

"Ok. Then. So what crazy thing are you two up to?"

"Well, Edward and I are going to go to Paris and see if the paintings at the Louvre talk. I really want to know more about the Mona Lisa."

"By Carlisle." And they were out the door. Finally my last two family members came in. They were my beloved granddaughter Renesmee or Nessie as she preformed to be call and her boyfriend Jacob.

"You guys aren't going to do anything stupid like buy the Brooklyn Bridge or flirt with tree's or plant shoes right?"

"Of course not." Nessie answered me. "Jakey and me are of to go re-establish the Roman Empire...in Pittsburgh. Do you want to come?"

"No, I'm fine thanks Ness. you and Jacob have fun." They walked out the door and I finally went insane. I busted out of the house yelling "Why is my family crazy! WHY? WHY? WHY?"

Then I looked around. Everyone was sitting in the yard enjoying the beautiful day.

"Hi" everyone said at once.

"Why aren't you all acting crazy and racing ferrets and talking to paintings?"

"Why would we do that stuff?" Alice asked me.

"Because you said you were."

"No we didn't"

"Yes you did."

Then Nessie and Emmett started laughing. "Grandpa," Nessie said to me, "We were pranking you." Then I joined in with the laughter.


	2. Emmett Goes Crazy

**Emmett Goes CRAZY**

After school today I went home to my room where I found my sexy wife, Rosalie. She had an insecure look on her face, which is unusual for her. She was standing staring into the full length mirror playing with her hair and pulling at her skin as if something were wrong.

"Rosalie, is something wrong?" I asked.

No response, but she picked up her phone and started franticly texting.

"Who are you texting?" I asked.

Again no response, then Bella seemingly popped out of nowhere.

"Hey!"

"Um…hey, what are you doing in my room?"

"Oh, Rose texted asking me to come to your room!"

"BELLA! Be quite! Don't tell him ANYTHING! He'll think I'm crazy!"

"Rose, what's going on?"

"THEIR PRETTIER THAN ME, ALL OF THEM!"

"Who?"

"EVERY GIRL ON THIS PLANET!"

"Since when? You've always said you were the prettiest girl 'alive' right?"

"Alive? I am NOT alive!"

"Well, you know what I mean."

"EMMETT MCCARTY CULLEN just leave, you aren't making me feel any better!"

I was so confused I decided to just leave and see who else was home. I went down stairs and found Nessie on Jasper's lap.

"Pretty please?" she asked him.

"No. It's entirely inappropriate."

"How is it inappropriate? It's not that bad."

"What's not that bad?" I asked making my way into the room.

"Uncle Emmett, would you please tell Uncle Jasper that giving me one kiss to get this boy at school off my back isn't bad?" she batted her eyelashes and looked at me.

"That is bad! Nessie you can't kiss Jasper! You belong to Jacob!"

"No I don't! He's with Alice now. Anyway if he won't kiss me will you?"

"No!" I was shocked. "Who's idea was this?"

Nessie looked at me like I was insane. "Um Carlisle's and Edward's. Duh. You've lived with them for like a hundred years. Don't you know them at all?"

I was so confused. Why would Edward let Nessie kiss Jasper? It just didn't make any sense. I stormed up stairs to Carlisle's study. I walked in to see Edward sitting in the big chair. He just looked at me.

"What do you want Emmett?" he asked, as he kept spinning around in the chair.

"WHAT THE HELL?" I screamed at him.

"Whoa, chill broski." He was now crossing his eyes as he spun.

"Did you tell Nessie to kiss Jasper to get some dude off her back? What kind of a father does that?"

"A totally rad one. Duh."

"Have you been drinking too much blood or something?"

I was about to strangle him, but then I heard a loud scream from two rooms over.

I went to find out what it was. I rushed into the to the room vaguely noticing it was Alice's room. I saw Jacob shirtless with a hammer and a diamond earring in his hands and Alice laying on the bed next to him holding her nose screaming.

"OH MY GOD! I DON'T EVEN WANT TO KNOW! Now what the hell happened?"

"YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DO IT THAT HARD!" Alice screamed at Jacob.

"WHAT?" I yelled looking for anybody's answer.

"I was trying to pierce her nose. It's not what you think! I swear!" Jacob said frantically.

"What the hell made you think that was possible?"

"I dunno, she told me she would love me even more if I pierced it for her!"

"What do you mean by 'love'?" I asked afraid of the answer. I mean after the day I've so far nothing would really surprise me.

"What don't I mean about love. Where have you been Emmett? Me and Alice are an 'item'." He said like I already knew this.

"Um, okay. I'm gonna go take a walk."

I had to get out of the house before anything else went wrong.

So far Rose isn't as confident as she usually is, she was okay with Bella being close to her, Nessie is trying to get Jasper to kiss her, Edward is chill instead of uptight, and Jacob is an 'item' with Alice and thought he could pierce her nose. I've gone crazy! There's no other way to put it!

I started to make my way home. As I started up the driveway in front of the house I saw a bounce house. I continued walking towards the bounce house; I saw that there was someone in it. I thought we were all too old for a bounce house so I was very confused. I went to see who was in it and I found Carlisle bouncing in it laughing and acting like a kid. I was confused before but now; I really just don't know.

Basically everyone in our house has gone absolutely crazy except for Jasper, Esme, and Alice; even though Jasper had Nessie trying to kiss him; he said no. Alice tried to get Jacob to pierce her nose; Jacob thought it would work. That counts Nessie and Jacob as insane.

I didn't even bother asking why Carlisle had a bounce house. I went back inside to find Esme her putting clothes in the fridge.

"Um Esme," I started cautiously, "what are you doing?"

"Oh, hi Emmett. I'm putting my clothes in the fridge to make them cool because Alice said they weren't cool anymore."

"Oh. My. God. Esme, that's not what she means by cool" I stated.

"Oh well I guess it's not then," Esme sighed as she went back to what she was doing, "but it's what I think it means."

I needed to go find Jasper and see if he has made any sense of this.

While looking for Jasper I found Bella trying to hide in the hall closet.

"Bella, what are you doing?" I asked knowing I'd get some crazy response.

"I'm hiding from the you know what's." She whispered.

"The what's?"

"Them!" Bella nearly screamed pointing to a corner in the hall.

"Bella, there's nothing there!" I exclaimed.

"How do you not see them!" She screeched frantically closing the door.

Well I guess that conversation is over. Yeah, I'm beginning to think everyone has gone crazy.

I found Jasper in my room laying on my bed in Rose's clothes.

"Jasper! Take those off! Rose is going to kill you if she finds out you were wearing her clothes!"

"Well then I guess I'll be killing Jasper later. What on earth made him think it was okay for him to wear my clothes!"

"Wait, no, you are Jasper."

"No, I'm Rosalie. How do you not know what your own wife looks like?"

"Okay, I'm leaving. Bye." I said as I walked out of my room.

"KAY, BYE EMMY!" Jasper shouted.

Alice. What is she doing? I hope it's nothing crazy.

"EMMETT?" I heard Alice call.

"WHAT?" I yelled back trying to find her.

"CAN YOU COME HERE?" She shouted even though I was already in the room.

"I'm here, what do you need?"

"I need you to help me with something."

"Okay, what?"

"We need to go through everything in the house and find everything that we can sell."

"Sell? Why?"

"I need more money, I spent all of the money I had saved."

"What? How?"

"Shopping!" Alice said a little to joyfully for the situation.

"For what? The world?" I asked

Before Alice answered my questions she was running at top speed out the front door for no apparent reason. Me being the curious Emmett I am, I followed her. I walked out the front door to find everyone in the front yard playing and laughing.

Bella was with Edward and neither of them were acting weird; they were back to normal.

Jasper and Alice were together as well and Jasper had put his own clothes back on.

Nessie and Jacob were young and in love like nothing had ever happened.

Esme and Carlisle? Back to normal. I felt like I was going insane.

Then my sexy wife Rose, she too was okay; like nothing was ever wrong.

I couldn't take it anymore. I had to know what was going on.

"WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ALL OF YOU TODAY? YOU WERE ACTING LIKE YOU HAD GONE CRAZY!" I shouted, desperate for an explanation.

All they did was laugh. They laughed at me. Why would they laugh at me?

Edward chuckled at my though which annoyed me even more.

"Emmett," Edward began to explain, "we were just playing with your head. Nothing was real; it was all one big joke that you fell for." He said with laughter in his voice.

"Wow; you know what? I was just playing along," I joked, "no, you guys got me good. Real good. Don't worry I'll be sure to get you back."


End file.
